Playing With My Food ~
A journal about food, thought, travel, and life; by Chef & Raconteur Chaz French.

Dear Neighbor…

A note I’m very close to putting on my neighbor’s door.

Dear Neighbor,

Hi, we haven’t met, but we’ve heard each other. Let me introduce myself, my name is Charles and when I was fresh out of high school I went to the TreBas school of audio engineering and production.

I tell you this, because I want you to know that I understand a few things about sound and acoustics. The one I would like to share with you is this little known fact about “Bass” or Low Frequency Sound, lower sounds have much longer wavelengths, like really long, and as they spread out around your room and develop their sound in a long slow wave, they hit everything and they bounce alot, without diminishing very much, the way higher pitch sounds do.

What this means is that they are omnidirectional sounds and as such, they don’t have a fixed point in space, they seem to come at you from everywhere at once.

Because of this property of theirs, it means that you can place a sub-woofer anywhere within a room without affecting the placement of those sounds.

In other words; you can put your sub-woofer anywhere in the room and your surround sound will sound just the same. And if you put it next to your sofa, it would actually improve your experience by vibrating your sofa too.

Now that you know this, I’m sure you’ll be rearranging your system immediately and getting your motherfucking sub-woofer off of my god damn, motherfucking bedroom wall.

Thanks for your prompt cooperation.

Charles
PS: You’re new here, so you might not know this: The town’s noise ordinance is 24 hours a day. In other words; if your noise bothers me I can call the police at any time of the day or night and you could receive a summons for violating the noise ordinance.

  • Suki Fuller

    On point. We live in different towns but we might as well live in the same one.

    I am going to print this out – change a few terms, sub-woofer to voices; bedroom wall to your freaking house and nail it to the door of my new neighbours homestead a few doors down (who apparently my neighbour right next door already can't stand).

    You know the deal.

  • michele

    I wish I could have verbalized this to an old roommate of mine who did that. I just knocked heatedly on his door and tried to explain to him that I could still 'hear' his music and TV even after he turned it down the first time I was rudely awoken on one of many, many nights like this.

  • http://frenchkitcheninamerica.com Mimi

    Do it, Chaz!

    Love the letter!